Music. I’ve always been obsessed with music. I can remember music more than I remember other things. I may forget a person’s name or face, but I’ll probably remember what kind of music they listen to. The music someone listens to gives me clues to the kind of person they are. I always want to know what songs mean and I often research the musicians I admire and read their biographies. Growing up, I listened to all sorts of music and absorbed lots of styles and genres. Everything from 30’s-40’s jazz to African drum beats to Johnny Cash. It never really occurred to me to try music myself. I would sometimes fantasize about it, but could not imagine ever being good enough or having the capacity to write music, play an instrument, or have a strong enough singing voice. Writing music especially seemed impossible to me at the time, but I always thought writing and singing seemed like the greatest gift and I deeply admired those who had it.
Looking back, I realize there were other clues to my passion for music. For one thing, I had only dated musicians and was always drawn to people who made music. When I lived in Portland, I collected vinyl and would listen to and mimic my favorite singers like Etta James, Billie Holiday, and Julie London.
In 2011, I dated a music producer who would tell me I should sing, saying “girl’s with deep husky voices often make good singers.” Through him, I met a very gifted voice coach who has also become a dear friend. Once this producer and I ended our summer romance, I went into a spiral of depression. I became antisocial and spent a lot of time alone. I would just go to work and then go back to my sketchy shoebox of an apartment, a place where my drunken maintenance man would knock on my door at inappropriate hours offering me Marilyn Monroe memorabilia that had once belonged to his late sister. Creepy, right? Weirdly enough, that was the highlight of my social life in those dark days. Then one day, I opened up Garageband on my laptop for the first time and recorded myself singing a little tune just to hear what I sounded like. Recording my singing became very therapeutic for me. I would sit in my empty bathtub where I loved the acoustics and record myself singing for hours. Eventually, I learned how to record multiple tracks. I would record a track of me scatting a melody and then I would record another track singing the lyrics. I was my own a cappella group, Lia & The Lia’s.
The only thing I hated to leave in that apartment.
While messing around with Garageband, a melody came drifting out of my subconscience. Then, I wrote a poem about my wrecked romance and this became my first song, “Another Day”. (Click here to see my YouTube video.) My focus shifted. I contacted that voice coach and I showed her this song I wrote and she encouraged me to keep writing and singing. I didn’t think of myself as a musician, but I felt that I was a songwriter. Like Wilson Nelson says, three chords and the truth is all you need. Eventually, I started learning ukulele from YouTube tutorials and I took a beginners class. I also started writing songs on the keyboard and started taking piano lessons. I never felt comfortable saying I was an actor or a model, even though I have been in tv commercials, a movie, and booked some print jobs… Saying I made music felt right and I was proud to say it. As corny as it sounds, writing that first song helped pull me out of a dark place. My broken heart rose like a Phoenix and I found a passion I didn’t know I had.
Another day on CD Baby